How it should have gone down
by AdamiRose
Summary: A LOTR parody that shows how I think it should have happened. it's really silly. just read it if you want to.


Author's Notes and disclaimers:

Right so the disclaimers…I don't own it, I am not making anything but enemies from this, please don't sue me as all I have is a silver spray painted rubber ducky and a small Severus Snape figurine that are really worth anything (about a total of $10) …and about 7 cats (anyone want a cat?).

Right, so this is totally random, and I'm sure there are spelling errors when it comes to the names of some of the characters…but truthfully I'm working on a 50k in 30 days writing challenge (yes folks, that's 50,000 words in 30 days) and couldn't really be bothered to double check spellings on this. In fact I shouldn't have written it. Probably not ever, especially not during this challenge.

Also, please note that this is a PARODY, meaning I'm making fun of LOTR. Now I like LOTR as much as the next person (great flik to sleep to at least if you're weird like me) but I also like making fun of things. It's meant as a joke. Most likely it's a bad joke. One that illustrates how illogical and long winded the Trilogy is at times. So yeah. Take it as it's meant. A joke.

Also a thank you to my Llama-woo. Your randomness helped. Thanks Hun! (Please note that the Llama is NOT in fact a four legged, furry, spitting animal, but a boyfriend…it's a long story and he wishes I not tell it, and I do know that a boyfriend could in fact be described in the same way as the four legged variety of Llama.)

Now on with the Random bit of Lord of the Rings Randomness for today…

The council of Elrond waged on, Elf accusing Dwarf, Man accusing Elf, Dwarf accusing Man and Elf. When the only party to be not accused of having ulterior motives spoke up. "I will take it. I will take the Ring to Mordor." At this statement all present quieted down and Gandalf The Grey turned to the small creature known as Frodo Baggins of the Shire with a look of deep sadness in his eyes. "Only I do not know the way" the hobbit continued.

"I will help you bear this burden as long as it is yours to bear" the wizard replied putting a hand on Frodo's shoulder.

"There is no way I'm letting the wizard and the hobbit do this with out me. After all, if the Ring is gone, I can take back the throne without worry." Aragorn spoke up.

"Now wait a minute. I'm going too. My dad will be royally hacked off if I don't at least go and pretend to get this thing back." Boromir son of Denothir said standing to join the small group.

"Hold up…Two Men, a Wizard and a hobbit? I don't think so. You need somebody who can think in this group. I'm going too." Legolas of the Woodland Realm said joining the small group. "Besides, it's not that I don't trust you Aragorn, but this one…well, lets just say I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw a Troll. Which is not very far."

"Never trust an Elf! I'm going too. Can't trust the sneaky bastard not to do something stupid!"Gimli son of Gloin spoke up, waddling in his Dwarfish way over to the group.

"Hey wait. I don't trust any of you with my Hobbit! I'm going too, and you'll have to tie me up and toss me in a dungeon to stop me." Samwise said running out from behind a nearby bush. All present gave a collective shudder at the thought of actually tying the hobbit up. No one objected to his going. Not even the Dwarf.

Soon after, two more small figures approached the council and let their intentions to go on this trip be known. "look, we lost a bet and have to lay low for a while. Let us come too. I'm sure we'll be useful somehow." They said to Gandalf, who merely looked at them like they'd be good cannon fodder.

"Right." Said Elrond who had merely taken all this in stride by sitting down and waiting to the inevitable conclusion. "Anyone else?" he asked, looking at those who were gathered about. After hearing muttered excuses from the Elves about having to wash their hair, dwarves about braiding theirs and Men about something to do with hairdressing appointments Elrond continued. "Right…nine companions…oh hell's bells, You're a freaking fellowship…Fellowship of the Ring. Catchy name, that's what you are, now scram. I've got things to do!" he said shooing everyone away.

The nine companions sat in a meeting room somewhere in Rivendell discussing their plan for delivering a Ring to a volcano. "So, it's a long walk, even by Hobbit standards, and don't let their size fool you, the little buggers can move. It's going to take months to get where we're going. So I would recommend that we take the most expedient route and go through the Gap of Rohan, and keep on going." Aragorn said, indicating where they should go on the map.

"Or, we could listen to the 3000 year old Wizard who just might know an easier way…" Gandalf spoke up, puffing on his pipe. "What we could do is this: a)We have Elrond have his Elvish Minions reforge the sword, B) we take Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Heir to the throne of Gondor to Minas Tirith, kick the steward to the curb." He looked over at Boromir at this point "Noting personal you realize, but we need a leader who will actually do as I say." He said.

"Sure. Besides, the old man has been losing it lately anyhow." Boromir replied.

"Right, so where was I? Ah yes, Kings and all… after you take over, we muster the army together, and you take them to the Black Gate. Keep Sauron busy. Keep his eye fixed on you, I'll take the hobbit and fly in from the back way with my eagle friends. They still owe me one anyhow. We'll put Frodo in the talons, and he can drop the ring into the fires of Mount Doom, and we fly out before anyone knows we're there. Sauron will die, life will be good. Aragorn will be king, and I won't have to do things I'd rather not do." Gandalf said, illustrating on the map his plan of attack. "Or" he continued "We can hike for months, probably get split up, some of us will die, and it will be a total mess for everyone. The choice is yours folks." He said puffing on his pipe.

"Right, so everyone in favour of my plan to hike it in say Aye." Aragorn said, raising his hand. "Aye." He said.

"Okay then. All in favour of Gandalf's plan" Everyone else in the room with the exception of Merry and Pippin (who were too busy looking for food under the table to pay attention) raised a hand and said "Aye"

"Alright. Crazy old man's plan it is." Aragorn said, looking slightly dejected.

And so it was done. All ended up living happily ever after, except for Sauron and the orcs who perished in the fires that erupted from Mount Doom.

THE END


End file.
